Supporting Temper Tantrums at Home

Supporting Temper Tantrums at Home
"That's one of the great advantages of age. You can say, I don't want to, I don't care, you can throw temper tantrums, and nobody minds." - James Lee Burke
...no body minds...

 

The fact of the matter is almost every parent has experienced the frustration of dealing with a child throwing a temper tantrum; a floor-thumping, hair-pulling temper tantrum.  Sometimes it is embarrassing, sometimes comical, but when it is often and/or for an extended period of time, it is undoubtedly frustrating. 

Also known as:  carrying-on, fuss, commotion, upset
Definition:  display of emotion, a fit of bad temper, a saddened, unplanned display of anger.  Children often cry, yell, and swing their arms and legs.  Tantrums usually last 2 to 30 minutes.  Tantrums can last longer and be more severe - hitting, kicking, biting, throwing objects, etc.  Every child's tantrum "looks" different.  Usually occur in children ages 2-4...hence the "terrible two's", but really anyone can have them, including adults (GASP!).

Why do temper tantrums occur?  Children are not yet able or do not have the skills to use their words to express their feelings and emotions.  They most often occur when a child is tired, frustrated, or angry...or when a child simply can't find the words to express how they feel or what it is that they want.  Levels of stress and whether the child has a physical, mental, or emotional disability play a part.  Other times, feelings run "out of control" and children are not able to contain them.  When tantrums continue, it usually, not always, but usually is because the child received / was "rewarded" something in return, such as attention from a parent (even though it may be negative attention, the child still got your attention).


What can parents do to prevent tantrums? 

• Take your child to a quiet place and speak softly 
• Encourage your child to use his/her words or visual communication
• Reward your child when he/she uses words/visual communication to express feelings
• Follow a routine / schedule (one that offers an adequate amount of sleep or rest)
• Children often repsond to a visual / picture schedule best
• Distract / redirect your child's attention to something else
• Give your child choices / ownership (What would you like for dinner tonight, chicken and potatoes or spaghetti and meatballs?)
• Keep a log of when tantrums occur (Do they occur when you go grocery shopping?  Try shopping without them or prep them before going to the store.)
• Play with your child to build the relationship
• Discuss feelings often

Dealing with tantrums (especially public tantrums) As much as the tantrum is emabrrassing or fustrating, try not giving into what it is your child wants.  This will probably put the tantrum to an end for the moment, but it most definitely will not put an end to tantrums in the long run.  Children perceive "giving in" as "tantrums work" / "I won". 

Instead, try these:

• Remain calm
• Hold / hug your child
• Reward good behavior often
• Review the family rules
• Use a "quiet space" for "quiet time" (more commonly referred to as "time out")
• # of minutes = child's age - Example: 5 year old Timmy will sit with a calm body and quiet hands, feet, and mouth for 5 minutes
• use this only if your child understands why a time out is used
• Plan to ignore the tantrum, then go back and address it once your child is calm
• Use words such as "quiet hands and feet", "nice talking", "good listening", and "when you have a calm body..."

After the storm / tantrum  Most children will grow out of tantrums, but in the meantime, address the situation after your child has calmed down.  At school, we use visual picture cards with different emotions to help your child with processing the event.  Ask your child why the tantrum happened.  Come up with replacement behaviors and provide time to practice them at home.  For example, "instead of screaming and kicking, what could you have done?"  Give time for the child to respond or use the pictures for your child to point to.
 
 

 

What's in a summer camp?

What should I look for in a SUMMER camp for my child?

So summer is just around the corner and while it can mean time for relaxation and rejuvenation it can also mean anxiety on what to do with your child to keep him/her engaged, happy, and learning.  Camps can be great but also expensive so we all want to make sure that we find the best fit for our child and that it is worth the money we put into it.  Here are just a few considerations that may help you plan and prepare for a summer of fun and learning:

1. Make sure the times fit realisticly with your schedule and any transportation means you have (to and from, pick-up drop off times, can you get everyone out of the house at the times needed without to much stress), and your child's sleep schedule are manageable?

2. What is the population that attends the camp and do they have any experiences working with students of all different learning styles and sensory needs?

3. What is the staff to student ratio? Will there be enough support for your child and his/her unique sensory or learning needs?

4. What types of activities will your child do while at camp? Are they engaging for your child, enjoyable for your child, support learning (and not just ABC's ), and if they are difficult, how is the staff set up to deal with any behaviors that may arise?

5. Given a list of activities and or community outings- are they equipped to deal with sensory needs, do they have sensory sensitive options (going to the movies on a day where the theater will turn down the sound and keep the lights dim), are there readily available supports to use during more sensory sensitive activities?

6. If the child needs a break from the group routine is there an option (place or activity) where they can go safely to de-stress?

7. What is the policy on managing tantrums or difficult behavior?

8. Does the staff have experience with scaffolding and breaking tasks down into smaller steps to promote you child's participation and success at all activities?

9. Knowing that your child works hard all year, is the camp going to promote an opportunity for fun and social interaction?

If you can think of any other questions that were not included in this list...feel free to take the time and share with other parents in our community.

Hope you all have an enjoyable summer filled with learning, relaxation, and most of all fun!

Support for Siblings of Special Needs Children

Having a sibling with special needs

Most people can attest at some point getting into an agruement with their brother or sister or knows someone who has. Compound that arguement with a sibling who had a disability and it can add additional frustration to the situation.
Siblings of children with special needs have special needs themselves.  Their sister or brother with special needs will inevidably get a bigger share of attention.  While having a special needs sibling presents challenges, it also comes with opportunities. Kids who grow up with a sibling with special health or developmental needs may have more of a chance to develop many good qualities, including:

• patience
• kindness and supportiveness
• acceptance of differences
• compassion and helpfulness
• empathy for others and insight into coping with challenges
• dependability and loyalty that may come from standing up for their brother or sister.

What kinds of difficult feelings might a sibling have?

Siblings of special needs children may, at times, have trouble coping with being the sibling of a child with special needs. They may have many different and even conflicting feelings. For example, they may feel:

• worried about their sibling
• jealous of the attention their brother/sister receives
• scared that they will lose their sibling
• angry that no one pays attention to them
• resentful of having to explain, support, and/or take care of their brother/sister
• resentful that they are unable to do things or go places because of their sibling
• embarrassed about their sibling's differences
• pressure to be or do what their sibling cannot
• guilty for negative feelings they have toward their sibling or guilty for not having the same problems.

There is support out there!

Sibshops is program JUST for brothers and sisters of kids with special needs.  Children ages 8-13 who have a sibling with special health or developmental needs can connect with peers having similar family situations.  Together they play fun, high-energy games and talk about the good and not-so-good parts of having a sibling with special needs.
Sibshops is offered on Sundays afternoons at The Arc Montgomery County Children & Youth Services, 10611 Tenbrook Drive, Silver Spring, MD 20901.  There is a fee and pre-registration is required.

For more information about the Sibshops program in Montgomery County go to this link:
http://thearcmontgomerycounty.org/program-services/Seminars-Workshops/sibshops.html

Here are some websites with some additional information and resources for supporting siblings:

Breakdown of Supporting Siblings by Age and Issue
NYU Child Study Center
Sibling Support Project

Family Meal

Table setting is a typical task that most children complete to help set up for a family meal together. This task can be broken down into several pieces to help teach our children how to set the table.
Things to keep in mind. We all learn at different paces. Do 1 step at a time and wait to add the next step until after they have mastered the first step.

This is picture of what a table setting should look like to show as an example for your child and the picture cue for supplies your child would need. Practice placing the plates first for a week, the next week add the glass and so on.  Check out these awesome videos on you tube about setting the table and table manners.

Self Control...Unleash the Chilling Cheetah

As we are beginning a new year, many of us our also working on those New Year's resolutions we set only two weeks ago. Maybe your goal was to loose weight, read more, spend more time with the family, regardless as I reflect on this I ask myself why don't we all just do these things already? Why do I need to make a resolution to eat more fruits and veggies? Self control for me is why. I know eating healthy foods is a better choice for me than a cookie, and yet I choose the cookie!

At Sandburg, we are working on continuing to develop and practice the skill of self control. Self control has been defined as making the best choice, even when it feels hard to do. For our students taking turns, waiting for a preferred activity like a turn at the Promethean board, or being told to finish the last of the math problems is difficult to maintain self control. I think no matter what age you are being told "no" is a hard situation to maintain self control as well. 

As we shared in previous posts it is important to help our students increase their self awareness (how they are feeling) and develop coping and calming strategies. These skills are crucial to teach, practice and reinforce to help for students success in school, with their peers, with their families, and for success into adulthood. 

One way to support students in practicing self control and making that best choice is by using the chilling cheetah. This is a 3 step technique to help guide students to success.

The Chilling Cheetah Steps

1. Stop

2. Take 3 deep breaths

3. Make the best choice

Here is an example of how to use this strategy:

Chester Cheetah comes home from school and really wants to watch dinosaurs on the family computer. When he gets in the house, he sees his sister, Shelia, already on the computer. Chester is very upset and begins yelling he wants a turn on the computer and is loosing his self control.

Mom and dad remind Chester to use his chilling cheetah (The parents modeled and walked through the steps with him):

1. Stop

2. Take 3 deep breaths

3. Make the best choice 

• Wait his turn (set a timer for 10 minutes)
• Watch some tv
• Draw the dinosaurs

With support from his parents on what are some good choices, Chester chose to draw the dinosaurs he really wanted to see. As a result Chester was able to show self control. His parents were very proud of him and gave him a big hug and helped get the paper and markers he needed for his best choice!

We hope you find the chilling cheetah helpful to you as a tool to support in helping build self control in the home. Below is a video about self control shown in school that could also be a tool to support in the home.

Thanks for your continued support and until next time...

Ways I Can Calm My Body

Calming strategies and exercises are an important and fun way of teaching children how to calm their bodies successfully when they are feeling sad, upset, anxious, etc... The students at Carl Sandburg were taught the following exercises to support calming. These exercises are also a lot of fun to do right before bedtime or a potential stressful situation like going to the dentist. 

Practicing these exercises when a child is not upset multiple times will help them become more automatic and increase the likelihood they are used independently. We hope you enjoy the following video and encourage you to practice and enjoy these fun ways to calm our bodies!

The Incredible 5-Point Scale

Help!  My child has trouble with social skills and I don’t know what to do.

Try the Incredible 5-Point Scale

By:  Sabrina Baker and Heather Welter

Does your child mistake his own feelings?  Is he able to identify the specific need to be successful?  If you are like most parents the answer is “No!”  This is so confusing and yet, all children are unsure of their feelings from time to time and most children are not able to actually identify the missing component needed for success.

Let’s talk about the Incredible 5-Point Scale from research standpoint, how it is utilized in a classroom at Carl Sandburg Learning Center and how it may be altered for use in your home. 

The 5-Point Scale is a visual representation of social behaviors, emotions and abstract ideas.  It is typically used to teach social understanding.  Students with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) tend to learn differently and the Incredible 5- Point Scale is a way to simplify behaviors. 

This is accomplished by identifying a problem behavior such as talking too loudly or too softly.  After identifying the problem behavior a scale is created that ‘levels’ the intensity of volume through numbers, graphics or colors in order assist students in understanding social interactions and to control their emotional responses (Coffin & Smith, 2009).  The Incredible 5- Point Scale can, “provide support at school, home, work or in the community. It can be used to address disruptive behaviors, feelings, body awareness, leisure skills, peer interactions, and many other social issues” (Coffin & Smith, 2009).         

Heather Welter, Occupational Therapist and Sabrina Baker, Special Educator implemented this program into Room 5 this school year. These experts, in the field of autism, adapted the scale to meet the needs of the children in the classroom.  The classroom has four areas that are tailored for sensory needs. 

·         Reach for the Stars Corner for students that may need movement

·         Sensational Fun Zone for students to explore their sense of touch

·         Discovery Cave for students to listen to music, draw a picture or listen to a book

·         Cozy Shack for students to read a book, relax in bean bags or just calm their bodies in a body sock.  

The end goal is for students to learn to independently monitor their sensory needs and utilize the 5 point scale to identify how they are feeling and what they need to help them to feel “just right”. The students in Room 5 have been wildly successful in being able to monitor their needs and seek out an appropriate strategy for meeting their needs.  The result has been a calm environment in which children feel a level of control in making choices.

            So how can this 5-Point Scale be adapted to work in the home?  Here are some quick tips:

·         Identify a problem behavior

·         Think about the levels – appropriate – acceptable – inappropriate

·         Choose the research-based method of the scale being from least to greatest OR choose the Room 5 variation of the middle being the appropriate and the two poles representing the extremes

o    If your child is able to participate in this step – do so but if not, it can be explained and explicitly taught to your child

·         Create a visual to represent the scale – this may be done by checking the resources posted below, searching the web or asking your child’s teacher – be creative and make it friendly to your child

·         Teach your child how to use the scale and how to use the centers

·         Create mini-centers in your home or use what already exists

o   A quiet place in the living room where your child can listen to music

o   A place rich with books, coloring books, crayons, blank paper

o    A place in the basement or recreational room with a mini-trampoline, a sand table or dried beans in a bin

·         Be consistent

Remember that our young children all need to learn social skills and children with ASD typically require explicit teaching.  The Incredible 5- Point Scale is a “behavioral support that breaks down behaviors and social interactions into clear, visual, and tangible pieces so that individuals can learn appropriate way to respond and interact in difficult situations” (Coffin & Smith, 2009).

Resources:

Buron, K. D., & Curtis, M. (2003). The incredible 5-point scale: Assisting students with autism spectrum disorders in understanding social interactions and controlling their emotional responses. Shawnee Mission, KS: Autism Asperger Publishing Company.

Coffin, A. B., & Smith, S. M. (2009). The incredible 5-point scale: Online training module (Columbus: Ohio Center for Autism and Low Incidence). In Ohio Center for Autism and Low Incidence (OCALI), Autism Internet Modules, www.autisminternetmodules.org. Columbus, OH: OCALI.